Shut-ins of the world, you’ll have to wait a bit longer for your ultimate wish-fulfillment video game. Date Everything!, the cheekily bizarre romantic sim from Team17 and Sassy Chap Games, is no longer arriving on October 24, as was initially announced. On Friday, the team pushed back the game’s release date to Valentine’s Day 2025.
On a game design level, Date Everything! appears to be a simple dating simulator with dialogue branches and voiced characters. What sets it apart is its delightfully absurd premise: You can date all your household objects, thanks to magical glasses known as the “Dateviator.”
Your dateable objects each have a distinct personality and branching storylines. Your romantic possibilities include a laundry hamper (the fiery “Harper”), a vacuum cleaner (the hunky “Hoove”) and your overwhelming (and shirtless) sense of existential dread who would prefer just to be called “Doug.” As unappealing as that bunch sounds for a romantic fling, it may still beat today’s microtransaction-riddled dating apps.
Depending on your dialog branch choices, each humanized object can become a Love, Friend or Hate. The game’s press release promised that each outcome influences a “critical path tying it all together,” so choose wisely between the lamp and the towel who dresses like Liberace.
Date Everything! arrives on February 14, 2025, on Switch, PS5, Xbox Series X/S and PC.
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